Laughter: The Universal Language โ€“ #164.2

A bonus Laughter post for you! Because we need the laughs now.

Grapefruit-whipped cream
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com (enhanced by J. Boone)

The “Stress Diet” ๐Ÿ˜‰

The following diet is designed to help you cope with the stress that builds up during the day.

Breakfast:

1/2 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
8 oz. skim milk

Lunch:

4 oz. lean broiled chicken breast
1 cup steamed spinach
1 cup herb tea
1 Oreo cookie

Mid-Afternoon Snack:

The rest of the Oreos in the package
2 pints Rocky Road ice cream, nuts, cherries and whipped cream
1 jar hot fudge sauce

Dinner:

2 loaves garlic bread
4 cans or 1 large pitcher Coke
1 large sausage, mushroom and cheese pizza
3 Snickers bars

Late Evening News:

Entire frozen Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from freezer)

Rules for this Diet:

  1. If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.
  2. If you drink a diet soda with a candy bar, the calories in the candy bar are cancelled out by the diet soda.
  3. When you eat with someone else, calories don’t count if you do not eat more than they do.
  4. Food used for medicinal purposes NEVER count, such as hot chocolate, brandy, toast and Sara Lee Cheesecake.
  5. If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.
  6. Movie-related foods do not have additional calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one’s personal fuel. Examples: Milk Duds, Smarties, Tootsie Rolls and Twizzlers.
  7. Cookie pieces contain no calories. The process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
  8. Food licked off knives and spoons have no calories if you are in the process of preparing something.
  9. Foods that have the same colour have the same number of calories. Examples: Spinach and pistachio ice cream; mushrooms and mashed potatoes.
  10. Chocolate is a universal colour and may be substituted for any other food colour.
  11. Anything consumed while standing has no calories. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
  12. Anything consumed from someone else’s plate has no calories, since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to his/her plate. (We all know how calories like to cling!!)

REMEMBER: STRESSED SPELLED BACKWARDS IS DESSERTS!

11 thoughts on “Laughter: The Universal Language โ€“ #164.2

  1. I could see myself getting frustrated with that one over cookie but you know what? I’ve actually darn near eaten a pack in one day. I just couldn’t stop and I don’t recall doing much of anything else that day. Let me say that it didn’t turn out well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think most of us have days like that, when we chomp down cookies like theyโ€™re potato chips! At least we donโ€™t do it every day. Well, *I* donโ€™t. ๐Ÿ˜ฌ๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜‚

      Like

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