Laughter: The Universal Language โ€“ #161

This will have you smiling and nodding all the way through! ๐Ÿ˜„

Hollywood sign
Photo by Paul Deetman on Pexels.com

40 Hilarious myths from Hollywood Movies!

  1. It is always possible to find a parking space directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
  2. When paying for a taxi, don’t look in your wallet as you take out the note. Just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
  3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment you are watching.
  4. Creepy music or satanic chants coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
  5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds – unless it is the door to a burning building with a child inside.
  6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
  7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
  8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when German officers are alone, they prefer to speak English to each other.
  9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
  10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
  11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day, especially if their family has planned a party. Also, detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty.
  12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene.
  13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises while wearing their most revealing underwear.
  14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard.
  15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags. When the bags break, only fruit will spill out.
  16. Cars never need fuel unless they are involved in a pursuit.
  17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a martial-arts fight, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
  18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
  19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away, you will always find another one.
  20. All single women have a cat.
  21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
  22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
  23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick’s Day parade – at any time of the year.
  24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
  25. You will survive any battle in any war unless you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
  26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don’t mind at all what the girl does for a living.
  27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.
  28. It is not necessary to say “Hello” or “Goodbye” when having a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically stabbing the button and saying “Hello? Hello?” repeatedly.
  29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once – it is called Stallone’s Law.
  30. When you turn off the light to go to bed, everything in your room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.
  31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie-star-pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.
  32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.
  33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.
  34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
  35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
  36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
  37. Most musical instruments, especially wind instruments and accordions, can be played without moving your fingers.
  38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.
  39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present, even people who aren’t liked and would never get invited to parties.
  40. Trucks use their horns at random.

(#33 made me LOL!)

 

Credit goes to Chris Ogilvie-Taylor for his great post at Quora.com.

 

5 thoughts on “Laughter: The Universal Language โ€“ #161

  1. HAHAHA! What’s even funnier is that I think I have seen every example in films or on tv!

    #41-If someone knocks on the front door, the person they are seeking is standing there just waiting to answer the door in 2 seconds.

    Liked by 1 person

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