Toddler Gun Tips

Hi, little boys and girls in the USA! Here are your gun tips of the day, summed up in wee pint-sized tidbits for you.

My-First-Assault-Rifle
Photo (cc) by Dave Parker
  • Some of you may have lost your big brothers or sisters lately to a mad shooter in their schools. Not to worry. The NRA says it’s not the guns’ fault.
  • It’s the fault of the crazy shooters, who can legally buy military-type assault weapons…
  • …even though these people are nuts and everybody around them knows it, due to their prominent social-media threats.
  • Never take the handgun from your daddy’s nightstand drawer. He needs it to defend your family. DON’T POINT IT AT THE BABY!!!! PUT IT DOWN!!!!
  • It’s all right. It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t like him much anyway.
  • Mommy’s gun in her purse? Off limits! No no, PUT IT BACK!!!! Whew! Good girl. Close call, that time!
  • Ohhh, see daddy’s gun collection, all nice and shiny in their cases, locked up? That’s safer, right? I wonder how long it’ll take daddy to get to the case, unlock it, choose a gun, load it, and get back to the front door as the armed robbers are breaking in…
  • …so that he can defend your family…
  • Too late! Your family’s all dead now. The robbers had guns too. Everybody had guns. Isn’t that nice? Yay for the NRA!
  • Ouch! Your little friend Tommy shot you in the chest! But it’s okay. It was an accident. It’s not the gun’s fault. It’s not the NRA’s fault. It’s Tommy’s fault. He’s a bad, bad little boy.
  • If you survive that sucking chest wound, your Uncle Ned will take you hunting. He’ll show you how to blow a deer’s brains out…
  • A beautiful deer who’s not hurting anyone and just wants to get back to feed her wee baby. Remember the Bambi story? Her baby’s like that.
  • Aw, but then Bambi won’t have a mommy anymore? It’s okay, tomorrow Uncle Ned will show you how to blow away Bambi, too!
  • Sweet dreams, pumpkin!

That’s all the gun tidbits for today, little toddlers. This feature will return with more tips as soon as necessary… probably while you’re all still toddlers. Isn’t that great?

21 thoughts on “Toddler Gun Tips

  1. Oh, good heavens. It’s obvious you don’t live in deer country! Those deer hurt *all kinds* of things–eat crops and destroy vehicles on a very regular basis. We see herds of 30-50 grazing beside the road in the spring, and almost everyone I know has hit (or been hit by) at least one. Plus they’re good to eat, and inexpensive lean meat! Don’t get misty-eyed over the deer, dearie!

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    1. Thank you for your comment, dayuntoday. It helps remind me that not everyone thinks as I do. For example, it’s not the deer who live on *your* turf. Rather, you are living on *theirs.* THEY are not killing your crops and destroying your vehicles. Rather, YOU have encroached on THEIR territory, taking it over for growing YOUR stuff; and YOU are hitting and killing them with YOUR cars. See? It’s looking at the earth through a different lens. You’re killing the deer as surely as your ancestors killed most of the Indians whose land they stole. Different perspective. As for food, I’m sure you can find something else to eat besides Bambi.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Well, since you re-upped this and I’m seeing it again (I had completely forgotten it and never saw your reply) I guess I will respond to this. I am sort of blown away that you think it’s a sin to hunt deer and get the population back to manageable levels. According to your ‘lens,’ we shouldn’t be here at all. There IS no possibility of this number of people co-existing with wild animals. The reason there are so many deer is because long ago most of their predators were eliminated, because, of course, wolves and cougars also attack PEOPLE. And since we have cities full of people, the critters had to go. Your lens is really, really foggy, I’m afraid, and not allowing you a clear picture. The point is… We now live here. And you can’t have your car and your house and all your friends’ cars and houses and the many businesses you frequent, and still expect the wild population to stay as it was. We have changed the earth, and nature (as it was) is out of balance. Trust me, the reason that the Bambis eat every flower and vegetable we plant, and jump in front of cars every day, is because there are way too many of them for the land to support. Yes, we have moved into their land. No, we’re not moving out. And that’s the way it is. Reality check.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Thanks for your reply. Although I do see many of your points (in spite of my “foggy lens), I still maintain there are ways we could co-exist that don’t involve so much killing. I would put fences up wherever I wanted to protect plants/flowers. Re cars, how about driving more slowly; put up signs along the highways – e.g. “DEER CROSSING.” Efforts can be made, but the will must be there. For the will to be there, people have to think: we are sharing this planet. Let’s be nice, not arrogant.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Hmmm… Do you think we could round up Trump and a few of his “herd” and drop them off in the forest at the beginning of the next hunting season?

    Run, Donny, run!!!

    (P.S.- I’m not usually into violence. But in this case, I think we need to chop off the head to save the body. 😦 )

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Loved this!! I’m in the UK so before I get shot down (heh) for having an irrelevant opinion, a vast majority of us here think the ‘gun thing’ is crazy. Puts me off taking my child to the US on holiday unfortunately. In the same way people are put off by travelling to Turkey etc. Funny.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So I’m in Canada, but I believe *all* our opinions matter… everyone on our one-and-only planet surely has an opinion on the orange monster and his cohorts, and their damn love of killing machines. Yeah, I’m put off going there too, yet my son lives there, and every summer I go to visit him – since that’s cheaper than him & wife coming here, putting dog in kennel etc. Sigh. Someday maybe they’ll have sane gun control laws. Maybe when they’ll believe climate change is real. And maybe when little piglets fly. Thanks for the comment!

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I live in the U.S. There is a blogger I follow in the UK and at the Parkland shooting, he said that in the UK people cannot understand this gun craziness and marvel at it. Other countries do not have this problem. Just us. It is sad and senseless. Ellie has said it perfectly and it is too bad this post cannot run over here so people would read it. I am an animal lover and deer hunting season repels me.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You are right on point here Ellie … the killing of animals disgusts me as well. We have our deer hunting season as well as for birds, rabbits, but the deer hunting season is a bunch of drunken men going up and shooting at anything that moves.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, well as you might see now, the original commenter with deer bloodlust in his eyes/veins has just belatedly responded to my ‘on point’ comment, so I will have to write again on that when I have time – can’t right now.

      Liked by 1 person

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