Laughter: The Universal Language – #40

I wrote this little piece yesterday on the Q&A site, Quora.com, and it found its way onto my Facebook page. (Okay, I put it there!) It seemed to tickle people’s funny bones, so I thought I’d also share it with my WordPress and Twitter families. Here you go.

Ellie Presner
Ellie Presner, Freelance writer, editor

 

I wouldn’t recommend this idea, because one or both of you could get stung by a wasp, in which case your (let’s say it’s a) finger will hurt like the worst fires of hell you can possibly imagine, and of course you don’t have any ice cubes into which to plunge your poor fiery finger, so you hop around on the grass in agony swearing like a punk musician which will scare your date more than anything, as tears stream down your cheeks which you can’t wipe up because you forgot to bring tissues, and the napkins (serviettes) are all stained with chicken fat from the sandwiches you won’t get to finish since you now want to kill yourself because of the pain but you can’t because the only knives available are plastic ones the deli gave you, but don’t worry because tomorrow you’ll feel much less pain but instead will experience the worst itching of your entire miserable existence and once again you’ll wish you could somehow lose the offending finger, since you’re positive you could get along just fine without it, even if you want to text the person you went on the picnic date with, which you don’t because who the hell wants to be reminded of the worst pain you’ve ever suffered from in your whole life, well maybe except for childbirth, although that was a different kind of pain, horrendously whole-body-ish, whereas this is more like a razor-sharp spear ripping into your finger? Not me.

 

12 thoughts on “Laughter: The Universal Language – #40

  1. I really like your sentence because it has clauses and sub-clauses all over the place with superbly placed commas and nary a semi-colon in sight, making me think that the writer (you) actually knows a thing or two about the rules of grammar which must be completely understood and incorporated into one’s sub-consciousness so as to know the appropriate time the rules can be broken and still turn out the most exquisite opus, albeit small, that I’ve had the pleasure to read in quite some time. Thank you, Ellie.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This stream of consciousness post is hilarious! I know you were writing from experience having told me earlier you have had two wasp encounters of the bad kind. This really made me laugh and I ask again “why did God make bugs?”

    Liked by 1 person

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