Feast your eyes, people!
INDEPENDENT PUBLISHER IS ACCEPTING MANUSCRIPTS FOR SUBMISSION 2016
WE ARE A FAMILY PUBLISHING COMPANY AND WANT TO BE THERE FOR YOU
WE WANT WRITERS WITH TALENT
WE ACCEPT ENGLISH AND FRENCH MANUSCRIPTS, POETRY, CHILDREN, NON FICTION, FICTION, COOK BOOK ANYTHING APPROPRIATE
PAGE 30 TO 700 ACCEPTED
WE CAN TRANSLATE BOOKS
WE WANT WRITERS THAT HAVE EXPERIENCED REJECTION BY SHALLOW PUBLISHING COMPANIES SAYING THEY ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH
WE WILL NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN
- Okay, nobody beyond someone with a grade-one education writes in ALL CAPS.
- No reputable publisher has to advertise for submissions.
- What publisher would want writers without talent?
- They accept CHILDREN. What are they, the Pied Piper?
- They accept COOK BOOK ANYTHING – does that include recipes for, say, fried cockroaches? Oh no, wait, that’s not APPROPRIATE. What the hell is appropriate according to this Grade 1-level outfit?
- PAGE 30 TO 700 ACCEPTED? So I guess you don’t want the first 29 pages.
- Those darn SHALLOW PUBLISHING COMPANIES. Stick with us, We’re DEEP.
- And our grammar is so good, WE WILL NOT GOING TO LET THAT HAPPEN.
WE WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR MANUSCRIPT AND HELP YOU UNTIL WE GET IT PUBLISHED
350DOLLARS ONLY EVERYTHING INCLUDED
WE WILL EDIT, BOOK LAYOUT, ISBN
- I don’t think I want or need this HELP you are so generously offering… for $350! In fact I think I would pay to not have you “help” me.
- I will happily live without your fabulous EDIT, BOOK LAYOUT and ISBN.
Need I add that all capitalized bits are [sic]!!